Sunday, June 27

I am a Rotten Egg

I am.. I'm not denying it at all
I would rather rot whole day
watching korean dramas one episode after another
and only bother to bath and wash my hair
when its already midnight

It feels like i'm doing a research here
and having a conclusion now that
korean dramas and songs
are the most emo ones of them all
and thus the ones i love the most

I get too comfortable rotting at home
that when it's time for me to get out of this comfortable zone
I'd cancel watever tat was supposed to take place
Even my sis couldnt stand the sight of me rotting anymore
she wud ask me everyday: why are u soo free?

I'm not panicking at all
I'm fine with it coz
I'm starting class this week anyway
wats wrong with me rotting now?
in fact, in total, i oni get to rest for one n a half months 
(minus quite a few weeks of running errands..VERY short rite? yess i know)

Yes, i just finished my degree
and i'm not going to join the working society yet
i'm starting my ACCA in sunway this coming friday
and the anxiety is starting to get to me
thus the over-rotting =p (rest enuf now first, to face the upcoming war)

I duno wat to expect from ACCA
some told me, u can do it lah come on
some said, u've gotta b vry hardworkin, it'll eat ur life up
i'm a negative person so i took in alot of the negative advices
and i'm on the edge of freaking out now

If u see me joking and laughing about
I'm juz pretending
I'm actually quite nervous it feels like first day of school
I need encouragements please
Putak Hamnida!! >.<

Monday, June 21

家人真的最了解一个人吗?

你们时时刻刻都有着你们的批评
对于我每一个动作都有着你们独门的想法
仿佛你们是我的脑细胞
我的一切动作与想法你们都一清二楚
事实上,真的是这样吗?

怎么可能,我一定最清楚我自己的用意
可是总是被你们扭曲
而你们每一次都用着那肯定的眼神望着我
令我非常心寒
因为我最清楚,你们并不了解我

我最讨厌解释
十次当中,九次我会选择封口
那一次就会是因为忍无可忍了
你们却偏偏会带着质疑的眼神看我
仿佛不解释代表掩饰

被你们反复这么对待
令我有时候迷失自己
反问自己我其实会不会
真的是你们眼中的那个坏人
好混乱好混乱

有时候被你们搞疯了,好烦
就索性做你们眼中的那个恶魔吧
反正都被你们说的如此夸张了
你们的想象力真的很丰富
有好多次我都信以为真了

我不再期望你们会了解我的想法
可能是我们人格及生活方式差距太大吧
但我希望你们不要把你们这些垃圾幻想告诉我
留 我一条生路,减少我的烦恼吧
求求你们还我一些安宁

那我就谢天谢地了

Sunday, June 13

Pondering over my future..

Is this one of those early age crisis that all 20s will go through?
everytime i open up my eyes to something new
i tend to aim even further
but the further i hope to be
the more my faith ceases
is this part of the aging process? haha

This knot tied in my heart
makes me quite a coward
that now i'd rather stand still at this moment
than move on to the uncertain future
afraid to be alone, who will be there with me?
afraid to face failure, who would back me up when i fall?

Yet oddly, now, i still feel perfectly fine being alone
perceiving commitment as a burden
its quite consoling that i could at this point
look at things clearly without being shadowed by envy
i feel like i noe wat i want and in wat way i want it to be
but i just really dont know how to get to it

will you help me?