Lots more done

This past week, i had managed to catch up with Turtle Jo, See Yun, Wan Ling, Wey Yiing, and Nat.. We talked alot, i got to talk alot.. That's good.. i did feel the relief right after =)) i hope it doesn't stop here, but be sure to make way for my finals lah hehe..

Then, i also went for some ACCA activity thing.. it's not my usual style, attending these activities.. but i somehow thought that i shud stop being such a chicken.. Well, my first step went well =) i guess..

There, some of my frens..

Oh, and then right after this activity.. i had to rush for Fahrenheit's concert.. my cousin got me free tickets! Too bad the activity's photography session delayed me.. i was so so so super late!

Skipping all the us running frantically everywhere parts (even the part where we mistaken the foodcourt as the stadium and rammed into it), sis, Joseph and I only managed to reach there after the concert had started for bout 15 mins ..

Yer, i wanted to see their opening performance =((

This was the only pic i got.. i was seriously too busy screaming their names and shouting like a pure crazy fan..U shud see my sis's expression when my craziness exploded.. HAHA

Anyway, surprisingly, they did sing quite well.. Besides Wu Zhun, none of the others sang in the wrong pitch at all! each of them learned new talents.. and i started to get distracted by Yan Ya Lun by his so so romantic piano playing.. Aww, he's no difference from a prince *ahhh..*

Our seats would be the perfect ones if u were to really see a concert.. but that's not our point.. i'd love it more if i get to have the fan zone tix jus so that i can stand right in front of the stage and stare closely right at Wu Zhun.. I wouldn't mind not being to see the overall performance.. hehe =p It would be still worth it.. hehe... Sook Yeen, would understand.. =pp

Anyway from afar, i could already see that Wu Zhun has huge biceps 0.0 Oh, and liu li yang was the guest that night, she could sing really really well.. she grabbed everybody's attention throughout.. not like other boring guests concerts use to have..

Overall, it was not bad as the songs really do sound good.. but we were really sleepy during the middle where there were too many slow sloww songs in a row.. It surprised us that they sang 4 songs for encore 0.0 so generous huh.. Anyway, love them!

Mission accomplished,
gdnite~
*hopefully i would be sleeping on a dry pillow tonite*

Lots done

Firstly, i would like to track back to last last Saturday, where i went KLPac with my sisters, cousin n nephew to watch a dance performance.. We went earlier to visit the Koi Fish Garden right next to KLPac inside the Sentul Park..

The place is really very clean, i guess that's whats essential for rearing expensive fish huh.. There, the pools on the left contain those fishes, categorised according to size and age..
*you can ignore my sis's glare*

There, those little pools contain fishes where its babies cost from RM50 each and its full growns can cost up to thousands each 0.0

The thing behind me is a water filter, water there needs to be filtered multiple times before reaching the expensive fishes.. Also, these filters pump oxygen into the water.. i was told this is the secret of raising BIG koi fishes.. *so, does my ozonizer at home work the same way?*

There, so many of them! but these are medium grown fishes, i couldn't get pics of the full grown ones although they're DAM BIG! because the water's too deep o.o

The mosquitoes there are super big too, there are even sandflies! my whole hand was all swollen up, even when i did spray the mosquito repellant spray lehh..

After having dinner at the jap restaurant inside the koi fish garden, we proceeded to the KLPac centre..

This is the evening view of it.. all covered by glass..

Tthe entrance of it.. looked like an entrance into a bamboo forest.. towards both sides of this entrance, there're metal chairs.. Not just any metal chairs.. They are metal wires, shaped into a sofa's shape.. and for those who've got no butt, beware when u sit on it, it does hurt..
*No, u dun hafta relate it to me*

The side view of it..

And then when i was inside the building, this poster was all over the place..

It took me some while to realise that, yes i am.. HAHA slow

The night view.. i loved the night view best..

Then we entered the studios..

We're watching the group called The Condors

Grouped by 12 talented japanese guys.. i tink its 12, there were too many of them, i sorta lost my count..

Its actually sorta a modern dance performance.. Anyone watched Step Up 1? their dance are similar to those in that movie.. Combining Ballet and Hip Hop.. Plus, its not totally about their dance.. Many scenes are also integrated with jokes.. My favorite was the scene about a ballet class..damn funny.. Plus they also told few jokes, i oni rmbr one

'a person drinking his soup called the waiter and said, there's a fly in my soup! the waiter said, dun worry, that fly can't drink much'

i noe its lame, but it got its way to me =p
Overall, this performance is a combination of many many random things that actually reflects funny animations.. Halfway through, i was actually calculating how much would each of them earn from this.. Well, the ticket is RM30 each..

Me n sisters had the opportunity to catch up with our cousin later that night.. it was great.. they're really nice ppl =)

sigh

i'm such a failure.. i'm jus starting to get better, i even gained weight.. and now, i hafta cry all over again.. when will this sadness end? how hard more do i hafta try to save myself.. there's no one there, n there will nvr be.. there's only me to help myself, please try harder.. Thankfully humans sleep, or i wun even have tis bit bit of time to calm down n recover faith in myself..

Goodnite..

Lonely~ I am so lonely~

Some time spent alone might be good 'once in a while', but too much of it might have you end up having a mind that's:
a) too clouded with thoughts
b) too empty

i get a mind of both characteristics all the time.. BUT Either way, i dun tink it's good..at all..

i'm actually in the midst of frustration.. i started efforts of keeping up with my uni work lately.. and now, i'm halfway stucked in taxation.. i tried not to give up halfway, n i tink now i haf pieces of paper filled with rubbish.. i bet neither of them are correct.. GRR.. can't the beginning of my hardworking behaviour get a little encouragement?

BLAH, i'm too tired to tink already.. great that now i've vent my bad feelings, i'm goin to sleep! GDnite!

Freedom, good?

My last midterm was yesterday.. and since then, i've been feeling ever so bored.. like there's practically nuthin i shud be doing.. so i jus rot the whole day..no passion to do anythin lately.. bored, but jus wan2 rot.. wat do u call someone like dat?

Reluctantly, I took a step out the door
I shouldn't, but still I did, turn back, to stare at the emptiness behind me
What was there? I started to ponder
Little came to my conscience, but somehow it seemed so hard to walk away
To just walk away, from this empty house i used to live in..

For a moment, I kept my mind empty, to quickly shut the door behind me
I should never come back, i thought to myself, I hope i could do it
It seemed unnecessary, but still, I did it
Locked the door, and threw the key away
Which direction did it go? i did peep, i'm sorry, please don't blame me

I heaved my heavy footsteps, and paced towards the blurness ahead
All i was told is to go, but where? i really don't know
I enjoyed too much time, being in the dark, my comfort zone
All i was told is that there'll be plenty of sunshine ahead
But Where? Why couldn't i see it?

I started to panic, i know i was lost
I didn't know where to, or where should i go
Many people paced busily around me, going where they are headed to
Where's my destination? Why didn't anyone stopped to help?
Still, I didn't want to give up

I straightened up, and lifted my head, I took efforts to try
I pleaded, I begged, I did all my best
But still, No one came to my refuge
They were still walking around, with the fast speed of theirs
They have their life, i could never blame them,

Then i realised, the only thing i was left with, was the key
The key to the emptiness, my past
I could still go back to find it, but after that, what?
Deep thoughts flew through my mind, with no intentions to leave
Unconsciously, i walked, and blended into the blurness ahead

Never mind if i never knew where to head to
At least i took my steps and i walked
And should i, someday, regret these steps i walked
I would still fake up a smile, just to show it to you
All these are your fault, you and only you

Gross!

OMG

I stepped on a lizard last nite 0.0

i was on my way to the kitchen when i stepped on somethin hard n sticky... i got soo shocked i started jumping around to escape from that disgusting creature.. Alas, that lizard was a baby still a baby, so it muz haf not fully grown its brain yet.. it ran to whereever my foot landed!
Result, i crushed its head till i can see its brain 0.0!!!

It was there all curled up.. and i was examining it until out of a sudden i heard 'crack crack...'
AND u wun belief wat i saw.. i saw a transparent layer of something forming on top of its brain..
IT IS REGENERATING 0.0!!!!!!!!

CAN a lizard regenerate like dat???? impossible man...but i seriously saw the skin slowly forming over its brain, and then that stupid baby lizard slowly started to straighten itself and moved its little feets a little..

hehe.. that was when i panicked lah, so i took a huge pile of newspapers n threw on it..
BAM! i duno wat happened to it but i dun dare to see.. so my sis helped to peep...
it was already all flat and squashed sticking onto the newspaper..and its little tail, detached..

Sorry stupid little baby lizard that i panicked.. hope u'll be reborn into something better the next life *guilty*

Why does my heart cry... feelings i can't find...

YES, here i am.. listening to Roxanne again.. have been addicted to this song for months since jokien gave it to me.. the atmosphere this song provide certainly satisfy me every time, like the singer's taking my role to sing out loud, with dramatic lyrics.. Well, this may also reflect that i am a very loyal person..

I AM very loyal.. i love being in daily routines, doing the same thing everyday sometimes jus gives me the peace i need.. Mayb the reason of me not enjoying a happening lifestyle is probably because i hate going through that kinda anxious, heartthrobbing feeling.. its not a pleasant feeling to have anyway.. i really hafta say, tat i really really dun like this 'value'..Not like it can help me in any way, adding to the fact that it can kill me easily..

First and foremost, it can make me go crazy.. doing absurb things jus so that i can resist any changes from occuring in my life.. I guess my worst period was right after SPM.. when i felt so super lost, detached from the life i use to have.. I just felt like i dun belong anywhere anymore..so afraid, and insecure.. tats probably the only thing i really need.. security..its really jus so simple.. hmm.. and thats the main reason i cried my way out of ktar to go back to form six.. jus because its so similar to wat i use to have..

Well, but things dun always go our way.. when changes really can't be stopped.. all i do, is jus nothing. i jus give up, breakdown, whatever.. it jus really frightens me, not being able to see the future, or at least imagine it a little.. then i jus really really duno wat to do.. probably thats wat i've jus went through, which has caused my results to go down a steep slide.. i jus can't see the reasons anymore, like why am i here, why am i doing this, where am i heading to? what for? So i jus dream, n dun study =p

Sometimes, i even go nuts.. and i'll go against those changes.. jus so that i can pretend like nuthing has happened.. and i did crazy things.. things that i regret now, n will until a very long time.. But, too late to regret anyway.. it's already done..

Now, i have really changed.. i still didn't manage to find my reasons though, my goals, or see any bit of my future.. im already different.. my view is different, my thoughts have changed.. the new me.. doesnt really want to see the future anymore, or more like predict it.. i'm too tired already.. what for u hope, and yearn or expect anything that 100% may not happen? not like u're god? changes come very frequently and abruptly.. wat can human do about it?tats probably why my results arent that low anymore.. i've been able to sorta understand.. but it's not as good as it used to be though.. i don't aim anymore.. it's too tiring.. at least for now, until mayb i feel like reaching out for something again.. well, anything can happen, looking at the fact that im already talking about someone else..

Many a time, i get really confused with wat i am now.. not really able to understand wat am i thinkin, not being able to fully understand myself.. i think so differently these days.. I've became very selfish and mean, thats for sure.. like i'm too tired to turn rounds to tell someone something that might be offensive.. wats the point? the message is the same anyway.. might as well jus settle it, fast n quick..But i've been really mean to my family as well, i start recording everyone as my enemy, being very defensive and offensive to ppl at the same time..my family doesnt deserve this.. i'll try change that bit, though i noe ive already tried very, very hard.. but i've really mean..seriously

Wow, this has been a really long post.. but dun worry, i'm not tired yet.. nowadays, i always make sure i dun try too hard.. in anything i do.. just to guard myself.. but i bet u're tired of reading already, or probably u're not even reading.. haha! either way, it doesnt really matter=)