TOO quick!

In  a day's time, it would be a new year already.. 

yes like my title told u guys, it came too quickly!

I barely had the time to reconcile everything that has happened this year 0.0

but i'm 500% sure that the virtue to be learned this new year -----> Patience!

I really Really REALLY need it!!! >.

besides the fact that i'm already a person who HATES to wait n tolerate others' mistakes

my profession actually reduces my patience n tolerance level by HALF!

From my observation on the system of my world being run, 

the equation i managed to worked out would be:

the MORE impatient i am, the MORE circumstances would compell me to wait!

the MORE cranky i am, the MORE irritating situations would occur!

and of course, i really realise that this stupid habit of mine

had not only caused me to hurt myself, but it also hurt those people around me who cares about me

so YES i'm determined!

also, i dun wana die young of heart attack lah HAHA

goodnite and wish me JiaYou k? 

Happy New Year! =)

This element called... Time

Before i knew it, A month flew past me...
I've gotta say, this month has been soo packed
Unfortunately, most of it were unpleasant..
Especially for my exam.. i totally became a zombie for a month!
lifeless, i had no tv time, n not enuf sleep time
jus full time in my room, with bathing as my only stress free time
cos even when i eat, i find it hard to swallow my food >.<

Sigh, despite studying like i nvr did before this time
Sadly i have to admit that i really failed a paper
in fact its that toughest paper
when its so easy this time, as compared to past years
i came home, cried myself out in the room for about an hour
then i stopped n started studying for the next paper

Luckily i have this talent of self motivation
Jus kept telling myself, i must pass this one
i'm still in a hopeful position though
still can't believe that nite i actually wished for time to rewind
i tink this has been like a blow to my ego
leaving me pondering whether i'm really a brainless idiot

Ahh, with christmas and a new year comin
I've been yearning for a lot of things lately
about my family
about my future
about those things i hope i could attain
i noe i'm greedy, but these are just my wishes
i noe i won't die even if i don't have them
but life would be finely seasoned with them in it

Gdnite =)

Loser

i feel so sick, 

physically, my throat hurts like crazy,

mentally, i'm so sick of P2, so sick of myself

there was a time when i felt so right

everything was exactly how i wanted it to be

prim and proper, in all aspects

i tink i forgot that life doesn't just pause there 

things progressed, evolved, changed

before i know it,

everything's so messy right now

i haf multiple crisis, even internal conflicts inside me

big BIG chunks of them cannot be solved

i just simply couldnt find a way

this feelings disgusts me

like its spitting in my face, announcing me as a loser

and me, swallowing the fact that i'm defeated

Need. Time. To. Breathe

WOAH

this is the sound i kept making recently

i haven't done so much of multitasking like this before

besides wrong timing, i wud still like to blame wrong timing

construction work alone is enuf to eat up the majority of my time

left with the super minority of time to juggle between classes and studying for exam

i sleep soo little these days, sob sob panda eye

before i put myself into this piece of mess,

i never had the slightest idea that renovation involves this MUCH of stuff

u have to decide from the most general idea to the smallest detail

like picking the theme colour for painting till the colour of the light bulb

WOAH 

at some point, it felt like i forgot to breathe

especially when i had the busiest tiring day and was preparing to sleep at 1

but had to rush to the hospital for some emergency

juggling IS hard. now i noe

wat to do, i couldn't abandon all these mountain of tasks to my mom alone

i jus had to share it with her

if minus all the other stuff i'm currently juggling with

renovation would be somethin i describe as fun

i love decorating spaces, deciding on themes

but with so much on my mind, this task felt so much harder

ahh, sad to say i'm missing the fun part of it

exam's too near, tuesday..

u could like, pronounce me dead now..

yes, even way before the exam

because i noe how much there is to read,

and i noe how much i could afford to read before exam comes

so.. u could so start wishing me luck like, NOW

haha.. nite! =)

Would there be such a day...

that I'll stop doing what i'm doing

just because situations compelled me to

that I'll stop being so lost

and have found a direction of my own

that I'll stop feeling so miserable

when i developed this thing called passion

though it doesn't seem like there'll be such a day

hopes are telling me to defy my rationality

and i don't know whether its right to do so =|

Dear Diary, (influence from M2M =p)

I was incredibly late to class today,

I had this sudden idea of wanting to take a diff route

and was trapped in a super duper peanut butter jam -.-"""""

but now i'm thinkin, mayb it was a good thing after all

i ended up sitting by myself at the last row

and managed to find some peace for myself =)

Today was rather relaxing, for the first time of course

this P2 paper has been driving me crazy right from the start

thanks to my slightly haywired lecturer

who wouldn't let ur brain drift away (a.k.a. dream), not even for one second

imagine, even by blinking my eyes makes me feel guilty 0.0

thus the extreme tiresome after her every class

Second reason was of course the different company around me =))

i finally had some freedom for myself, eg: wat i wana write

sitting further from the lecturer was a success in reduction of stress 

since her shoutings were sort of filtered before it reached me =p

n also, i get to drift off / rest my brain once in a while

for example, i had time to peek at my right side neighbour

Well, his sense of fashion is somewhat the type i like (he was wearing white)

and he's fair, even more suited to my liking =p

i used the time i had spent peeking on him

to evaluate tat he might actually turned out to be quite good looking after all

if that red pimple would vanish from his nose! =p

we did communicate, ok, a little haha..

Another thing, there's this strange thing about me n tis guy (not sure pakistani or indian)

he would very frequently end up sitting very near me

in most cases, in front of me

he's quite adorable (personality and action lah)

everytime he's lost, i would noe, from his page flipping and head shaking etc,

and he would reach a point where he's desperate

Look left look right.. he wud always fail to find help

and had to turn backwards for help

tats when he would always find me

n i'll end up giggling by myself later

its really been this way quite alot, no matter its me being late or him =S

After today, i might pickup the habit of sitting behind

maybe i might get to noe a couple or two new frens hehe

Goodnite~

C.N.Blue - Y,Why

My New Obsession =)

I know Ive fallen in love. The day you came to me

was like a dream painted in grey.

I wanna tell you some, what I say with my heart

Wanna love you I wanna hold you, only my drunken confession. 

Hiding where you can't see me.
I only shout the words that you cannt hear. I love you.
This short phrase is too difficult for me. I can't even open my mouth.
'I love you' this short phrase is too much for me. I cannot breath.

(Rap) When you give me 1, Girl, I will give you 100.
When I see your red lips, my silent breath purrs with my innocence,
and my heartbeat that feels like its about to explode
strike a message to my ear. Baby I love you indeed.
I send you a message: I cant see it any teardrop in on your face, girl
I love you, only this.

Fearing you'll know if our eyes meet,
I only look away at the sky. I love you.
This short phrase is too difficult for me. I can't even open my mouth.
'I love you' this short phrase is too much for me. I cannot breath.

Come to me. See my eyes. I want you too.
My eyes tell you truth I wanna live in your life

This short phrase is too precious to me.
If you tell me 'I love you,' this one phrase out of anything in the world,
I will be happy.

@_@

Class started today.. it was rather UNexpected

because when it started at 1 o clock, 

i tot i would haf time to get some bite to eat at 3 o clock

and mayb take a nap until 4.30, where the second class would start

BUT it turned out to be not in that way i imagined at all

the class continued.. all the way..... until 7 o clock!

@_@ my eyes were really like this

especially when the lecturer kept asking questions on standards 

as if we were supposed to know them ALL by heart

and when the other students could actually answer her

@_@ yes, i need to buck up, SO MUCH

at 7, i've already yawned countless times

and my tummy was growling even louder than a lion

how many more times do i hafta endure this?

and my fren even said in a chirrpy tone: sometimes, we'll only end at 9

@_@!!!

i'm feeling really not well, classes weren't boring actually

the lecturer turned out to be quite good in fact

but i'm just not in my tip top condition

everything just went part blurrily today

i even watched my dramas blurrily

until FOOTBALL came!

Germany was great! and my Klose of course!

but now i'm back to being blur

i shud sleep i guess

Goodnite =)

I am a Rotten Egg

I am.. I'm not denying it at all

I would rather rot whole day

watching korean dramas one episode after another

and only bother to bath and wash my hair

when its already midnight

It feels like i'm doing a research here

and having a conclusion now that

korean dramas and songs

are the most emo ones of them all

and thus the ones i love the most

I get too comfortable rotting at home

that when it's time for me to get out of this comfortable zone

I'd cancel watever tat was supposed to take place

Even my sis couldnt stand the sight of me rotting anymore

she wud ask me everyday: why are u soo free?

I'm not panicking at all

I'm fine with it coz

I'm starting class this week anyway

wats wrong with me rotting now?

in fact, in total, i oni get to rest for one n a half months 

(minus quite a few weeks of running errands..VERY short rite? yess i know)

Yes, i just finished my degree

and i'm not going to join the working society yet

i'm starting my ACCA in sunway this coming friday

and the anxiety is starting to get to me

thus the over-rotting =p (rest enuf now first, to face the upcoming war)

I duno wat to expect from ACCA

some told me, u can do it lah come on

some said, u've gotta b vry hardworkin, it'll eat ur life up

i'm a negative person so i took in alot of the negative advices

and i'm on the edge of freaking out now

If u see me joking and laughing about

I'm juz pretending

I'm actually quite nervous it feels like first day of school

I need encouragements please

Putak Hamnida!! >.<

家人真的最了解一个人吗？

你们时时刻刻都有着你们的批评

对于我每一个动作都有着你们独门的想法

仿佛你们是我的脑细胞

我的一切动作与想法你们都一清二楚

事实上，真的是这样吗？

怎么可能，我一定最清楚我自己的用意

可是总是被你们扭曲

而你们每一次都用着那肯定的眼神望着我

令我非常心寒

因为我最清楚，你们并不了解我

我最讨厌解释

十次当中，九次我会选择封口

那一次就会是因为忍无可忍了

你们却偏偏会带着质疑的眼神看我

仿佛不解释代表掩饰

被你们反复这么对待

令我有时候迷失自己

反问自己我其实会不会

真的是你们眼中的那个坏人

好混乱好混乱

有时候被你们搞疯了，好烦

就索性做你们眼中的那个恶魔吧

反正都被你们说的如此夸张了

你们的想象力真的很丰富

有好多次我都信以为真了

我不再期望你们会了解我的想法

可能是我们人格及生活方式差距太大吧

但我希望你们不要把你们这些垃圾幻想告诉我

留 我一条生路，减少我的烦恼吧

求求你们还我一些安宁

那我就谢天谢地了

Pondering over my future..

Is this one of those early age crisis that all 20s will go through?

everytime i open up my eyes to something new

i tend to aim even further

but the further i hope to be

the more my faith ceases

is this part of the aging process? haha

This knot tied in my heart

makes me quite a coward

that now i'd rather stand still at this moment

than move on to the uncertain future

afraid to be alone, who will be there with me?

afraid to face failure, who would back me up when i fall?

Yet oddly, now, i still feel perfectly fine being alone

perceiving commitment as a burden

its quite consoling that i could at this point

look at things clearly without being shadowed by envy

i feel like i noe wat i want and in wat way i want it to be

but i just really dont know how to get to it

will you help me?

Sigh..

There are times where u want something SOO badly

but its just not going to happen in ur way

no matter wat u do

u have to end up accepting things as it is

it sucks.. and i'm feeling so devastated now

despite the LOAD of effort n hope i've invested 

i tink its time for me to stop being in denial

i feel soo disappointed

but there's nuthin i can do to make things work

i could only sigh

to make myself feel better

sad =(

New Look!

Closer to da nature! =) HEHE

Be considerate of others ..

I was totally so soo close towards banging a car's butt today..

u see, my myvi's brake pedal is like few cms higher than my accelerator pedal.. 

and so, my feet always Always get stucked under the brake pedal during the transition from the accelerator pedal..

This time, i was abit more unlucky as this happened when i terpress a little too much of the accelerator pedal and my car was quickly way tooo near the car in front of me..

At that moment, i swear that i could hear the voices in my head: they went from

" oh shit i'm so goin to bang that car, oh shit Oh Shit"

                          to

                 "THANK GOD!!"

when i managed to press the break pedal in the nick of time

and saw that the front car had no scratches on its butt.. PHEW

And then i thought, i could survive this most probably because 

in the past, i had let a car or two pass, 

or signaled to a car or two that didn't turn on their lights..

Yes i do believe in karma, in fact, very much..

And this brings us to another topic, friendship..

after many years of being human, HAHA

As many of u know, i have developed alot of principles for myself

and one of it is: "You can never use a fren, and be a fren at the same time"

skipping the fact that its terribly unethical, the thing is, 

NO fren would be tat stupid..

People are greedy, u can see to this anytime, anywhere

and some ppl, who tink that they are smarter, 

tink that they are more superior over others as well

i watch them control ppl around them, n i felt so bad for the victims

and disgusted, when i knew that they did not regret, nor feel bad, at all..

There's a chinese proverb, after translation, its:

" three stupid people can beat one genius"

added up with some karma,

and that is why, they, have no true friends

no one, to speak out their hearts' thoughts

no one, to cheer them up when they are down

and for those who thought that they're lucky enuf to haf no payback unto them

look again, at those u call frens.. are they really urs?

look again, at the one closest to u.. u dare say that person's not using u at all?

you manipulated others, you could nvr escape from being manipulated urself

Just wait n see.. =)

I HAFTA START STUDYIN

When only would i slap this fact right into my own face?

STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!!

ok i'll start right away by TRYING to do MADM

which i might fail to 'do' in the end

XD

oh, oh, and i'm happy about my result today,

despite:

1. my BADD BADDD finance result

2. i'm still beaten by a tall nerd

Yes i'm kiasu HEHE

Something i muz learn

"Que Sarah Sarah,
Whatever will be will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sarah Sarah,
What will be will be"

I hafta stop trying too hard to manipulate and predict the future
Just like how i spend hours planning my homework without even doing it
I should learn to take things easily
A step at a time..

H.A.T.E.U.

Once upon a time, we swore not to say goodbye

Something got a hold of us and we changed..

Then you sat alone in pride
and I sat at home and cried
how'd our fairytale just end up this way..
 

We went, round for round till we knocked love out

You were laying in the ring, not making a sound
and if that's a metaphore of you and I

Why is it so hard to say goodbye..

I can't wait to hate you,

Make you, pain like i do..

Still can't shake you off..
I can't wait to break through
these emotional changes..
seems like such a lost cause
I can't wait to face you,
break you, down so low
There's no place left to go..

I can't wait to hate you..

Oh this, was a love phenomenon no one could explain
and i wish, i could press reset and feel that feeling again
i sit and press rewind and watch us every night..
wanna pause it, but i can't make it stay..

We went round for round till we knocked love out
you were laying in the ring, not making a sound
and if that's a metaphore of you and I
why is it so hard to say goodbye..

I can't wait to hate you
make you, pain like i do..
still can't shake you off..
I can't wait to break through
these emotional changes..
seems like such a lost cause
I can't wait to face you,
break you, down so low
there's no place left to go..

I can't wait to hate you..
No need to call my phone cause I changed my number today
a matter of fact, I think i'm moving away (away)
sorry, the frustrations got me feeling awake
and i just keep having one last thing to say
and i just wanna hold you, touch you,
feel you, be near you, i miss you baby baby baby..
i'm tired of trying to fake through, but there's nothing I can do..
boy I can't wait to hate you..

I can't wait to hate you
make you, pain like i do..
still can't shake you off..
I can't wait to break through
these, emotional changes..
seems like such a lost cause
I can't wait to face you,
break you, down so low
there's no place left to go..

I can't wait to hate you baby..

I can't wait to H.A.T.E.U.
Cuz right now i need you
I can't wait to let you go

~* <3 Mariah Carey *~

2nd week of the semester

i tink i hafta admit now..
i might not be good in dwelling with stress after all..
somehow i noe i'm stressed up internally
i try not to show it to ppl, not to let down my guard
i start grinding my teeth in my sleep again
many nights lately without fail
mom hafta frighten me awake so that i will stop
or not my mouth n teeth would rely hurt in the morning
n everytime i was frightened awake, i would be in a position
whereby my hands are grasped tight,
while the rest of my body are tense
my teeth n mouth really hurts
i couldnt bite food with ease
dare me, i could cry out anytime
everything's not goin well
everything's not goin right
could someone, anyone,
try to cheer me up?

I have a genius 'brother'..

Today, when 'he' was chatting wit me.. 'he' suddenly sent me a link, and said:

she: dis 1...sell branded bags 1...shud be cheap...

So, very swiftly i clicked on da link.. and immediately the bags caught my attention 0.0
Before even scrolling the pages to explore, i asked her back:

Me:   0.0
        the bag ori wan ah

Without second thoughts, she:  u gila ar? s'pore whr got fake stuff 1?

Outrageously, Me:

 Hellooo!! it's coach OK!!???

 YOU SOMMORE DARE SAY SHUD B CHEAP
 u DAM DUMB MANN
 even one miserable outdated purse

 oso can cost 200 SGD okay!!!
 STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID

Very unexpectedly, she:

coach is a brand?

i oso din hear b4 coach and kate spade...i somemore tot coach as in 1st coach dat coach...HOW I NOW WOR!!! THEY WERE DISTRIBUTING FLYERS IN SKOL....MEANS ITS FOR STUDENTS TO BUY LAH!!!! FOR STUDENTS WHR WILL EXP WOR!!!!!

Me:

*faint

She:
*din faint

Then, i realised.. i have the smartest 'brother' in the whole universe =.="""""""""""""""""""""

Note to God lyrics Charice

If I wrote a note to God
I would speak whats in my soul
I'd ask for all the hate to be swept away,
For love to overflow
If I wrote a note to God
I'd pour my heart out on each page
I'd ask for war to end
For peace to mend this world
I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is overdue
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God
I would say whats on my mind
I'd ask for wisdom to let compassion rule this world
Until these times
If I wrote a note to God
I'd say please help us find our way
End all the bitterness, put some tenderness in our hearts
And I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

No, no no no
We can't do this on our own
So

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is overdue
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God

Woops..

I can still taste the alcohol in my throat.. =p

Today..

I had a great day today.. realised that i love doing outdoor activities.. I did so many things i never did before (psst, bcos i din dare to).. i guess frens' pressure does work.. I did kayaking, the fourwheeled motor thing, paintball shooting, went on slides like soo many times etc etc etc.. Yes, i'm happy doing these, though some really squeezed my heart out.. i wish i could frequently be this active, rather than watching movies, onlining all the time..It's very very different..Thanks kim & pookie, for grabbing my arm so tight not letting it go when i tried to escape (so so many times) during those queues =p

It is indeed a place that awakened so many of my memories.. Sometimes i would just stare at one spot and emo, daydream, wondering why everything's so different now.. I played the waterpark this time.. I feel like, finally,  i've managed to accomplish something i used to regret.. Til now, I still couldnt understand ur reason at that time..

They did the same things we did, they look like what we used to be.. But yet, they seem so different from us.. I'm really happy for them, I am.. but just that, i wish i could be as happy too.. y does it seem so hard..? I tink i noe they'll make it, through things we didnt..

Can't believe i'm crying already.. it's been a tough day holding them back..

Disappointment =(

I met 'him' today.. he was the kind i've always wanted.. characteristics that matched my check list.. but yet Whyyyy...

I've never done somethin lik this b4, not mentioning even thinkin about doing it >.< he electrocuted me i guess...

I didn't even have the guts to ask him that question, that question which pookie did ask in the end, at the time where aik thai shouted : omigoddd... and rushed towards the door.. MANnnn.. i'm such a chicken..

He, not only turned out to be 2 years younger, but also has a long time gf, who was a cheerleader, and is very pretty, whereby even his twin brother has a girlfriend too..

I kinda suspect that God's just testing my courage, asking me how badly i want this.. in which i screwed it up..

I wonder if i were the one who did it, would everything be much different now?

Ah, forget about it..

Ahh holiday..

Finally, I'm able to enjoy a whole day by rotting at home.. ALL i did was watch movies, one after another.. Well as expected, ALL Rom-Coms! Love Sandra Bullock, she always play roles with interesting personalities..Jude Law in The Holiday was very handsome and attractive indeed.. I've always been looking out for some guy like that, who cries, sweet to little girls, smiles ever so charmingly and knows how to sew.. To me, that's not being girly at all.. Instead, that's somethin that warms up my heart like a hot choc! Although non-progressive at all, i grade this day an A day.. for being so calm and serene =)