Mood : {Cloudy}

This is fact number one of me

I like people very easily

especially those who tell me jokes, make me laugh

or tease me but praise me in the end

or treat me nice, makes me feel like i'm cared for 

but when none of that happens, 

n i see more of someone else who does all of that

i don't know how to maintain the like feeling anymore

i totally understand your situation

but its hard for me to accept it emotionally

startin to feel more that i dun suite being in a relationship

I don't know how to be that understanding

Thus i don't deserve someone like that,

whom will be with me through thick or thin

whom is too good for me..

You don't know what i want, I don't know it too..

this feeling, is utmostly frustrating

i miss that peaceful calm mood i used to have

whenever it rains

Now, everytime it rains

The noise of it just causes pure irritation and frustration

I am childish, and i'm not goin to deny it

But growing up, makes me feel like i'm not supposed to

like its wrong to be lik dat

but i AM lik dat, isit wrong to be myself?

facing books for too long a time in the past Nov & Dec

has caused me this identity crisis

I've lost my senses

I've lost my life direction, my goal

I dun even noe wat i like or want anymore

I would spend hours picking something to wear

spend years deciding on whether to buy this or that

and get totally lost in any shopping mall

Who am I? Whats my style? What am i supposed to be?

What do i want to be? Where should i be? What should i be doing?

Lots of crazy questions critically crashing my brain system

I start to doubt everything i do, and everything else around me

At this stage, LOST is the word for me

and i don't know where to start, to find my way back..

Even my younger sister kept complaining about me

like why have i became lik dat

Now that i can't help her with her decisions anymore

I used to be so clear n firm with my thoughts and opinions

Now that i don't have any, I sway in rhythm of wat others say

and it feels HORRIBLE to be lik dat

Why shud earth accomodate me when i'm not anything anymore?

Don't worry, i'm not giving up..

Luckily there's friends and internet to help me

I'm like starting anew, taking into consideration others' opinions

to judge mine, not too much, but not none

I'm redefining myself..

but its gonna be quite hard on the life direction part

for one thing, i'm keeping the childish side of me =p

TOO quick!

In  a day's time, it would be a new year already.. 

yes like my title told u guys, it came too quickly!

I barely had the time to reconcile everything that has happened this year 0.0

but i'm 500% sure that the virtue to be learned this new year -----> Patience!

I really Really REALLY need it!!! >.

besides the fact that i'm already a person who HATES to wait n tolerate others' mistakes

my profession actually reduces my patience n tolerance level by HALF!

From my observation on the system of my world being run, 

the equation i managed to worked out would be:

the MORE impatient i am, the MORE circumstances would compell me to wait!

the MORE cranky i am, the MORE irritating situations would occur!

and of course, i really realise that this stupid habit of mine

had not only caused me to hurt myself, but it also hurt those people around me who cares about me

so YES i'm determined!

also, i dun wana die young of heart attack lah HAHA

goodnite and wish me JiaYou k? 

Happy New Year! =)

This element called... Time

Before i knew it, A month flew past me...
I've gotta say, this month has been soo packed
Unfortunately, most of it were unpleasant..
Especially for my exam.. i totally became a zombie for a month!
lifeless, i had no tv time, n not enuf sleep time
jus full time in my room, with bathing as my only stress free time
cos even when i eat, i find it hard to swallow my food >.<

Sigh, despite studying like i nvr did before this time
Sadly i have to admit that i really failed a paper
in fact its that toughest paper
when its so easy this time, as compared to past years
i came home, cried myself out in the room for about an hour
then i stopped n started studying for the next paper

Luckily i have this talent of self motivation
Jus kept telling myself, i must pass this one
i'm still in a hopeful position though
still can't believe that nite i actually wished for time to rewind
i tink this has been like a blow to my ego
leaving me pondering whether i'm really a brainless idiot

Ahh, with christmas and a new year comin
I've been yearning for a lot of things lately
about my family
about my future
about those things i hope i could attain
i noe i'm greedy, but these are just my wishes
i noe i won't die even if i don't have them
but life would be finely seasoned with them in it

Gdnite =)

Loser

i feel so sick, 

physically, my throat hurts like crazy,

mentally, i'm so sick of P2, so sick of myself

there was a time when i felt so right

everything was exactly how i wanted it to be

prim and proper, in all aspects

i tink i forgot that life doesn't just pause there 

things progressed, evolved, changed

before i know it,

everything's so messy right now

i haf multiple crisis, even internal conflicts inside me

big BIG chunks of them cannot be solved

i just simply couldnt find a way

this feelings disgusts me

like its spitting in my face, announcing me as a loser

and me, swallowing the fact that i'm defeated

Need. Time. To. Breathe

WOAH

this is the sound i kept making recently

i haven't done so much of multitasking like this before

besides wrong timing, i wud still like to blame wrong timing

construction work alone is enuf to eat up the majority of my time

left with the super minority of time to juggle between classes and studying for exam

i sleep soo little these days, sob sob panda eye

before i put myself into this piece of mess,

i never had the slightest idea that renovation involves this MUCH of stuff

u have to decide from the most general idea to the smallest detail

like picking the theme colour for painting till the colour of the light bulb

WOAH 

at some point, it felt like i forgot to breathe

especially when i had the busiest tiring day and was preparing to sleep at 1

but had to rush to the hospital for some emergency

juggling IS hard. now i noe

wat to do, i couldn't abandon all these mountain of tasks to my mom alone

i jus had to share it with her

if minus all the other stuff i'm currently juggling with

renovation would be somethin i describe as fun

i love decorating spaces, deciding on themes

but with so much on my mind, this task felt so much harder

ahh, sad to say i'm missing the fun part of it

exam's too near, tuesday..

u could like, pronounce me dead now..

yes, even way before the exam

because i noe how much there is to read,

and i noe how much i could afford to read before exam comes

so.. u could so start wishing me luck like, NOW

haha.. nite! =)