Tired.....

i am soooo tired now.. 'sao mu' till noon jus now... so hot n tiring... budden uncle belanja us jap food after that, yippie! although the quality of the food was not so nice n price overly exp but i'm still very happy bout it^^ n then watched this 'forest of Death' movie.. it turned out to be quite an interesting movie, not so much of ghosts.. more like mainly the scientific side (hinting:not so scary lo) hehe..came back late, sooo tired.. 'sao mu' is such a tiring job hor...but i still wan update a bit a bit.. hehe

i jus got a new job! yippie! although it's a short term job,bout one week, but still got $$ ler.. hehe.. and.. so coincidently, agency offered me to the same company as wei wen.. haha.. quite funny.. was a bit afraid at first, scared boss dun like me o somethin.. but ppl there turned out to be soo nice!so diff from my ex company..they all greeted my once they saw me.. and asked for my name(the old company didnt bother me at all,hmmph!)

i was soo tensed up at the moment when they were standing there waiting to hear my name, and then i said:suk han..n they:har?this happened twice n i finally gave up, rounding it up by sayin, u can call me tiffany.. haha! wat a joke!ppl there were really nice in did.. except for the part they told me there's another girl wit similiar name(suk han) but i look like the elder sis.. grrr.. my specs did it again.. added up wit me n my lame clothes when that day's a casual day.. haha!!! joker man!!!but after those admin work, i am definitely stronger..more muscle d(more not got haha!cause i haf already =p).. even one file is damn thick n heavy d man! phew..

k la, too tired liao.. nite nite..^^

Why? wHy? whY?

dunno y but i jus feel like askin why.. more like y lidat? nvm, i'm swtin myself here2..hadn't update for bout a week, not because i'm too busy with something, more like too lazy to do anythin! i've became sooo lazy.. i really really eat sleep com everyday!! not to say i'm not bored of it, but called agency n it's engaged, so gotta wait for another tomoro..sigh.. my tummy is soooo big.. thanks to the amount of sleepin.. =S

but anyway, didn't feel much happier these days, more of counting down towards the days when i'll be far away, gone.. i've became such a loser lately.. as if forgotten how i use to be.. will think too much when i'm alone.. but usually, not worried bout anythin except my future, which country i would travel to.. my career? haha.. always wondering will i really be gone, feelingless when i die someday? is human's existence really plain phenomenal reaction? weird hor..

sigh, but now, there's like this something extra that i will be worried of, and always..like an extra part of my life.. everytime, i just cant understand wat's going wrong.. everytime i will feel very frustrated of being unable to do anything about it.. and then feel guilty of trying to avoid thinking of it.. play com games, search for new interesting ones, even download them.. so, i apologise here if i replied u ppl on msn very late or not at all.. well, the games are full screen..

sigh.. addition: i am sooo not understanding.. no matter in watever condition.. i jus cant pretend to be nice or say something like i understand, dun worry..bcause i always think that if there's a problem, u should nvr nvr avoid it.. and that's wat i did! wah.. confusing myself liao man..haihz.. and i suck in consoling ppl.. well, jus hope that the agency girl would get me a job quick, then tireness would take control over my time? =)

Again?

haha.. sure u guys wondering y am i posting so often.. haha.. cause i've been rotting at home these days.. not to say i hate it, but i'm doin this jus to escape from having to work on my applications to scholarship.. very 'ma fan' la.. need referes, need essays.. argh.. giving me a long lasting headache!

anyway, went karaoke yesterday.. dunno y it wasn't that high like it use to be.. wat could be wrong le har? hmm...actually i enjoyed the part when we talked in ming tien more.. it's more fun n relaxing.. i love yum cha sessions.. maybe also due to not always being able to attend one.. hehe.. n duno y mom will nag if i come back late these days.. last time dun hav wor.. *scratching head*

and today, hmm.. awakened by my maid at 10.. oh pls.. i hav been sleepin late these days n can't i jus get a day's good sleep? aiyo.. asked me to move my car.. u see, that's the prob of havin two cars n not enuff place to park it.. the kancil's parked in front of my hse, n when mom went to work this morn, she was too lazy to move it back and jus parked it in front of my neighbour's hse..

i haf a very selfish neighbour.. she's staying alone n she doesn't go out.. but she puts on a black face whenever we or my relatives park car in front of her hse.. wonderin if she has claustrophobia like me (we blockin her escape route) *scratches head again*... and so, i was really in a burnt temper while moving da car, and wnt back to sleep..

guess my anger contributes into my sleeping hours, i woke up at 1.. haha.. and i felt real good.. calm, thanks to the rain.. hehe.. oh, lazy me.. just pushed all the application stuffs aside, n started sewing the holes on my clothes, stressing pajamas.. finished at 7! shockin ler..okok, i promise i'll finish stuffs tomolo k? *grins*

Up-dates

haf been rotting for da past few days again.. but yea, i'm happy again =) i feel like a hypocrite now, use to criticise those who easily gets affected by these stuffs.. but understanding it now, that no matter u put too much attention on it or not, if anything goes wrong, it still affects u in a significant way.. so, wana take back stuffs i used to say bout these out of not understanding..

well, today went eugene's hse with wei wen to discuss bout uni stuff.. i still dunno wat should i do.. i am plainly just afraid that i might b too stupid for that course or i would regret doin it.. haihz.. but who can predict the future? sorta minimised my choices of application to these 3 : accountancy, biotechnology, and architecture.. hhe architecture is jus a hit of luck.. who knows i could get it? it's my dream course..but practical me jus kept reminding myself that it cost a lot n not tat good a job prospect... sigh

so, accounts? wat u guys think? haihz.. blur blur blur..

oh, many of my firsts happened today.. shy shy shy, hehe.. ^^

Not understanding...

well, yesterday..i rotted the whole day.. jus stayed at home lazing around.. wana go out so much jus to escape from thinking alone.. i hate it..so while chatting with beeky online..we planned plans for the night.. we went sakae for dinner.. well, din enjoyed it tat much..the service was bad..i wasn't tat happy either.. it shouldn't be this way.. i love sushi..

later in the night, meti finally came..she was extremely late haha, bad jam.. then we went to the laundry bar there to take a sip, or perhaps dance a little.. but alas, there wasn't a dance floor.. so we jus sat n chit chat.. me n beeky shared a pina colada.. it tasted really good.. n surprisingly, it was finished very quickly.. and i start to feel weird too.. it's as if someone set fire on my ears.. i felt like i was having a high fever..

i tot it's gonna be better after a while.. but it didn't.. instead, i felt my face throbbing along with my heart beat, following the loud music there too.. haha.. it was a funny feeling.. i didn't realise how red my face n neck was till i went to the toilet.. man, soo embarassing.. it was super red, n ppl jus kept staring at me.. n when i was leaving, the guard even stopped my car to ask whether i was fit to drive..had a great time yesterday, we haven't gathered like this since very long ago=)

i'm not drunk k? i could still see the number of fingers ivan put up.. and at least i din go hug some stranger or laugh weirdly.. i jus talked exceptionally loud, n felt a bit blur.. that's all.. meti say it was bcause i hav low tolerance towards alcohol.. wow, jus half a pina colada.. so swt!!! i think wat ppl say is true.. it's not how much u drank.. it's how u feel when u're taking it..bcause i've took tat pina colada many times b4, and nuthin happened to me.. in my record, only stuff with tequila n red wine could make me drunk n red all over..weird..

i'm still in that bad situation.. that drink really helped, i didn't hafta cry myself to sleep last night..but i still teared this morning.. i think my tear glend is spoiled that's y..but all in all, i'm really calmed down now, not angry or extremely sad anymore.. just a bit unhappy n worried.. i'm so stupid.. i dun even noe wat really happened, n totally blank bout wat should i do.. sigh..i'm so stupid..